2014fall_leaves

The change that goals require

My goal is to post something new, every day, on Patreon. A week has passed since my last post. In part, I have been busy with life, getting my daughter ready for 6th grade, and trying to cram in as many last-minute summer activities as we can.  It has been busy and time flies. The thing is, I made a goal. Life will happily and readily fill in my available time slots for me. That’s just how life is. And if life isn’t filling in the cracks… my internal hesitations and resistance will make certain that nothing gets created, much less shared.

I promise I’m not posting another whine about how hard it is to be an artist.  I mean, it is hard… but whining about it isn’t helpful or inspiring. I am writing about it, on the chance, that you run up against the same hurdles as I do when setting out to do something you want to achieve. Hopefully, in sharing, we will both find ways out of our fears and hesitations and into the joys and rewards of goals and dreams achieved.

Talking with Paul last night, we touched on the fact that when you make a commitment – you can’t overthink it. That will, most likely, take you off path faster than you can blink. I have thought about posting here every single day since last week. I thought about what I could do and allowed my thoughts to fill with fears and resistance. I want to create things that will ‘wow’ me and those I share it with. When I am not certain that I can do that, I avoid doing anything at all.

This approach has been how I’ve handled my life as an artist. The way I’ve lived is familiar and comfortable… but it won’t provide the journey and rewards that I want to experience as an artist. When I set goals, it throws me into direct conflict with that way of thinking. And if I’m going to accomplish my goals, it means I will need to change. There are no rewards on the other side of doing nothing. Even if what I create is sub-par, it will have been time spent that will improve my skills and abilities.

I wrote this poem last year. Over the last two years, I have been going through a lot of change. Much of that change has been forced on me. And some of it is change that I desire and want to experience. Embracing the upheaval that change brings is hard. I wrote this to remind myself that it will and is taking me somewhere.

Craving constancy
Is me wanting to believe a lie
Because nothing stays the same
At least, not for long
Even then
When my eyes are open
I see the change eroding the edges

The lack of constancy
Especially in what I love most
I want to make it wrong

The change
It twists and contorts
My desires and expectations
Please! I think
That MUST be wrong

And as I sit here and think
I hear an offering
Saying shhh… I have another way
And please
Listen and consider this

Yes
It is inevitable
Even the most extreme change
Loss

And no, it is not wrong
It just is

It is!

Breathe and listen
Another way is revealed
It’s not in insistent clenching of fists
Or grinding teeth and iron jaws

It’s in the breath
Inhale and exhale
Catching and releasing
That’s the way through

And through is where there is
Unveiling and growth
Unlike that you have ever imagined
I can’t tell you what it is
But it is worth it

It is!

You must trust
Change brings gifts
The precise ones
You never knew you wanted
or needed

Cry, yell, stomp or curse
Pout, grieve or be angry
That’s okay too.
Just know there is
The other side
With the gifts
Waiting for you

- Janece Moment
written August 18, 2014

2014fall_leaves

photo by Janece Moment
© 2014

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